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The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Dear New Years Resolutions People; You don`t have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.