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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.