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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......