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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Can I get likes for no reason?
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.