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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
word of the day: nincomtard
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.