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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.