Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do bees even have knees?
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.