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Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Don’t jump to confusions.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.