Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.