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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.