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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.