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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.