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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.