Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list