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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.