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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.