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I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you