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I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
when in Rome get naked ;)
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly