Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.