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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?