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I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.