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I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!