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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.