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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
Watching someone else play a video game is like watching someone who won`t let you join in while they`re masturbating.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.