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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.