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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.