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Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Home is where the pants aren`t.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.