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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
I only accept apologies in cash.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.