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Haters are my motivators(:
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.