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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.