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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?