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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver