Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?