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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.