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Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.