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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.