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Exercise? More like extra fries.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.