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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)