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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
You look like I need another drink
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.