Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
I have off-road rage, too
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.