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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
This day needs more tomfoolery!
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!