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Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.