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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.