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I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today