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Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science