Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.