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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.