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I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?