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Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
How Big is Infinity?