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You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.