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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
I need more people like me in my life
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"