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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness