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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.