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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.