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Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
The best things in life require no pants.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.