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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
is ready to have one too many!