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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.