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Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
My number was 0...
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats