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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars