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I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.