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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
The well behaved rarely make history.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.