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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?