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My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.