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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.